Online games and discussions, bullying, and me

"Is it only a dream, that there'll be no more turning away?"
- Pink Floyd

Are you helping to reduce stalking and bullying, and counteract their effects; or would you like to? If so, I would like very much to exchange ideas and experiences with you. Here are some ways you might be able to help:
- By educating and training yourself, and practicing what you learn in every part of your life, including everything you do on the Internet.
- By exchanging ideas and experiences with other people who are doing the same.
- By helping to spread the message.

Beyond that, do you help people around you who are hurting or feeling wronged, even if they are not being stalked or bullied; or do you want to? If so, I would like very much to exchange ideas and experiences with you. Please let me know if you are interested.

Walking with myself

Even more than an active interested listener, I'd like to have someone to work with on some things I'm trying to do, someone who shares some passionate interests with me. I'll try playing that role myself here. Besides whatever comfort and inspiration I might get from it, it might give me some ideas and some practice in being that kind of friend to other people.

So here are some things I might work on with my imaginary quest companion:

- Nurturing the love of God, in myself and in others, and promoting that idea among candles and thralls of God.
- Practicing and promoting the framework for action that the House of Justice is promoting.
- Practicing and promoting some improvements in the implementation of the Ruhi courses.
- Practicing and promoting working with neighbors to help improve the community life in a neighborhood, using what we're learning from Baha'u'llah.
- Learning to help provide the kind of encouragement and support that really helps, in people's initiatives and in the challenges they're facing.
- Learning Chinese.
- Learning how to find other candles and thralls all over the world, using the Internet, to exchange ideas and experiences with them.
- Learning to adapt the framework for action to the Internet neighborhood.
- Learning to speed up my progress in developing spiritual qualities, and improving my character and conduct.
- Practicing and promoting the freedom from sectarian attitudes and practices that the House of Justice calls for in "One Common Faith."
- Practicing and promoting better responses to Baha'i social issues, including the three vital issues in "The Advent of Divine Justice."
- Help make the Internet more useful to people who are working to help spread peace, justice, beauty and kindness.

Frodo in Oz

I won't even try to explain the title, except later on maybe. You'll see. In the unlikely event that anyone reads this but me, the reason it looks like I'm talking to myself is because I'm talking to myself. I've decided to try to have the kind of conversation with myself that I'd like to have with someone else. Of course I would love even more to actually have that kind of conversation with someone else.

This might be very confused and confusing. I have a feeling there are a lot of things I'd like to talk about, but I'm not really sure. It's just a feeling. I'll start by just listing some topics that come to mind.

- Baha'i feuding on the Internet.
- Candles and thralls.
- Framework for action.
- I'm not trying to be an ally, but I wish I could learn to be a better friend.
- Promoting my House of Justice.
- "One Common Faith."
- The Advent of Divine Justice, especially the three vital issues.
- Walking and working with abused and marginalized people.
- Changing my character and conduct.
- Training institutes: practices and a passion for teaching.
- Learning to be the kind of friend I'd like to have.
- What I might have learned on The Weed's blog.
- Gays and me.
- Baha'i liberators and me.
- Stuff I've already written about on this blog.

Those are some things that come to mind. I have a nagging feeling I'm missing some that I might like to talk about as much as those, even more than some of those. I'll trust that they'll surface as we go along. If we go along. We meaning me and me.

New habits: Diabolo every day

I'm trying to learn to create or modify habits. I searched for tips on the Internet, and I'm going to try them, one by one.  The one I'm practicing now is to think about why you want to create or modify this habit. For the habit, I chose playing outside with my diabolo every day. The reason for that is because it's part of learning to help improve the community life in my neighborhood.

I've read and heard that it takes about three weeks for a new habit to be established. It's been almost a week now.

I want to help preserve and improve people's capacity to communicate freely with each other electronically, and spread it to more people. One way I see to help is by encouraging, supporting and promoting free software, and other free culture movements. That's why I keep trying to make more use of systems and services that are part of those movements, and less of others. That's part of my reason for quitting FaceBook.

What triggered my withdrawal from FaceBook was some research I did after reading an article about how FaceBook was used by an application that could be used by stalkers. I decided that I was undermining other people's safety and security by using FaceBook.

Working with Baha'is who think or suspect that they are gay or homosexual

I'm completely re-writing my presentation of my ideas. For the latest version see sites.google.com/site/jimhabegger/ .

Here is an extract:

Ideas for working with Baha'is who think they're gay or homosexual, or that they might be.

- Learn to appreciate the value of whatever parts of their personalities they're labeling that way, including any same-sex responses, and the value of their relationships with Baha'u'llah, including any concerns they might have about being gay or homosexual.

- Learn to share with them, as equals, ideas and experiences about same-sex relationships and about following Baha'u'llah.

- Learn to encourage and support them in their own investigation of their possibilities for the future.

- Learn to encourage and support them in their own investigation of laws and spiritual principles.

- Learn to trust them, as equals, to make their own decisions about how to practice the laws and apply the principles.

Ideas for reducing the hostility and harmfulness of the Baha'i community toward people who think or suspect that they're gay or homosexual.

- Study all available Baha'i writings, including those of Baha'u'llah, about love, marriage, romance, sex, chastity and homosexuality.

- Conduct an independent investigation in the writings about what is prohibited, and what is for individuals to decide for themselves.

- Learn to think about the questions without using the ambiguous terms that other people are using, including "homosexuality," "gay," "orientation," and "sexual relations."

- Stop applying the label "homosexual" to people's personalities.

- Stop applying the label "homosexuality" to other people's relationships and interactions.

- Develop close friendships with people who call themselves gay.

Gays and the Baha'i Faith: message in a bottle

Please note that in the following I am not proposing that the partners in the marriage prescribed by Baha'u'llah can be two women or two men. I'm proposing that what Baha'u'llah says about marriage has no relevance at all to the lawfulness or unlawfulness of sexual and marriage relationships that do not potentially include coitus. I'm not proposing that two women or two men can have a "Baha'i marriage," in the sense of a marriage that is authenticated by a Baha'i institution. I'm proposing that there is nothing for any institution to authenticate, because there are no laws that apply to it.

Please note that in the following there is no underlying concept of "orientation" or "orientation change." What I mean by "gays" is people who call themselves gay, and sometimes, other people that gays call gay. What I mean by "straight" is whatever it might mean to whoever I'm talking to.

Please note that in the following there is no underlying fixed concept of homosexual or homosexuality. When I use those terms, I'm referring to whatever other people might mean when they use them.

Please note that in the following I'm not proposing any sweeping answer to whether same-sex sexuality is right or wrong. I'm proposing that, apart from some restrictions on the use of coital organs, it's a matter for individuals to decide for themselves.

I wrote to the Baha'i World Center about the note in the Kitab-i-Aqdas that says "The word translated here as 'boys' has, in this context, in the Arabic original, the implication of paederasty. Shoghi Effendi has interpreted this reference as a prohibition on all homosexual relations." In response, the research department said that those words were not actually taken from the writings of Shoghi Effendi. That note is someone else's interpretation of a cross-reference between the word "homosexuality" and the passage on "the subject of boys," in the margin of Shoghi Effendi's notes for the Kitab-i-Aqdas.

"Homosexual relations" seems too ambiguous to me, to resolve any questions about the lawfulness or unlawfulness of any kind of sexuality or marriage between two women or two men. Apart from that, it seems more plausible to me to imagine that Shoghi Effendi's cross-reference between the the word "homosexuality" and the passage on "the subject of boys" specifies what he meant by "homosexuality": whatever Baha'u'llah meant by "the subject of boys." In other words, the unfavorable terms that Shoghi Effendi applied to homosexuality, and the prohibition against it, might refer precisely to whatever Baha'u'llah meant by "the subject of boys." For now I'm imagining that Baha'u'llah was referring to cultural practices that revolve around using a man as a substitute for a woman, in an imitation of coitus.

I know there's nothing new in the idea that the passage on "the subject of boys" refers to such cultural practices. What I have not seen discussed is the possibility that Shoghi Effendi's cross reference between "homosexuality" and "the subject of boys" means that such cultural practices were precisely what he himself meant by "homosexuality."

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Some ideas I'm proposing:

- Baha'u'llah's prescriptions for marriage, and prohibiting adultery, are for relationships that potentially include coitus, and have no relevance for the lawfulness or unlawfulness of sexuality and marriage between two women or two men.

- Baha'u'llah's prohibition against sodomy, and what He said about "the subject of boys," refer to cultural practices that revolve around using a man as a substitute for a woman, in an imitation of coitus.

- Apart from, possibly, some restrictions on the use of coital organs, sexuality and marriage between two women or two men are issues of chastity, not law, for individuals to decide for themselves, as long as they do not defame the Baha'i community.

- Although Baha'u'llah's prescriptions for marriage, and prohibitions against certain sexual acts, have no relevance to the lawfulness or unlawfulness of sexuality and marriage between two women or two men (apart from some restrictions on the use of coital organs), they might illuminate some relevant spiritual principles.

- Another spiritual principle that might apply is what Baha'u'llah said about our relationships with those in authority in general, and with Baha'i institutions in particular. For some gay members of the Baha'i Faith, in some communities, that might mean living apart from one's partner, and other deprivations, for an indefinite period of time. Those who are consequently deprived of sexual intimacy in their lives might be helped to face that in whatever ways people learn to live with being deprived of some other part of life, like seeing or hearing.

- One way to help end the stigma and needless restrictions on gay Baha'is might be to study and practice what Abdu'l-Baha said about teaching with wisdom, and apply it to teaching Baha'is about gays and homosexuality. Another way might be to cooperate with Baha'i institutions in protecting the reputation of the Baha'i community.

- One way to help protect gays from abuse by people trying to change them, might be to help gays who want to, to find safe and healthy ways to try to learn to have an honest, happy marriage with a person of the other sex. If no one helps them find safe and healthy ways to pursue that goal, they will have nowhere to go but to people who will harm them.

- What people mean by saying they're gay varies from person to person, but sometimes it's a deeply rooted part of their personality, like being introverted or extroverted.

- Regardless of what anyone thinks about the value of feelings for some people of the same sex that are commonly associated with sexuality, those feelings are closely intertwined with other, indisputably valuable personality traits, and can not be repressed without repressing those at the same time.

- There is no harm, necessarily, in trying to develop feelings for one sex or the other, that one has never felt before.

- If there is any possibility for a person who thinks he's gay or homosexual to have an honest, healthy and happy marriage with a person of the other sex, it will not be by trying to become a straight person. It will be by appreciating the value of the part of his personality that he calls gay or homosexual, and treating the temptations that come with it, and the feelings that don't, as challenges to be overcome like any of the other daunting challenges that most of us face in trying to have healthy and happy marriages.