Monday, May 19, 2008

Some very personal thoughts and feelings

I have two friends who look to me like followers of Baha'u'llah, who continually find fault with what the House of Justice is promoting, and I never see them finding any good in any of it. I call them friends because of my feelings and intentions towards them, not presuming that they feel the same way towards me.

Sometimes I feel a little insecure and awkward with them, in view of that behavior, and I've been trying to see more clearly why I feel that way.

Partly I'm worried that they might be putting my attitude towards the House of Justice between us.

Another part is the recurring feeling that the alleged wrongdoings of the House of Justice are not enough to explain their behavior, which seems to me contrary to Baha'u'llah's purposes and prescriptions, however wrong the House of Justice might be. It isn't the behavior itself that puzzles me, it's the persistence of it over so many years. I keep having doubts about their motives and intentions. That could go a long way towards explaining my awkward feelings.

I reacted the same way towards my national government after learning more about some of its wrongdoings. I kept finding fault with everything it was promoting, and I couldn't see any good in any of it. I might easily have persisted in that for many years. It might have been very hard for anything to move me away from that, without some very uncommon habits I have which I cultivated over many years.

That helps relieve some of my doubts about my friends, but not entirely. There might be other things in their behavior that I'm wondering about, or maybe it will just take some time for my doubts to go away.

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